Have you ever questioned your friendships? As the saying goes, if you want to know who your true friends are, go through something. Well, I have been through something, and although I knew who they were or wasn’t prior to going through, I am reminded today of my true friendships.
Although there are different levels of friendships, I have always been that friend to confide in, support (financially, spiritually, emotionally etc) and be that cheerleader for those in which I value.
I have been the mediator between couples, their children and other friends and family. I have been betrayed and chose to forgive. I have given of myself in times when I shouldn’t have. I have supported projects, family events and entrepreneurship adventures. Sadly, as I reflect on friendships today, I am reminded that many of my so called friendships are lopsided.
Who do I blame? Myself. As I reflect on friendship, I am also reflecting on my participating in each of them. None of what I am seeing today came from out of no where. It’s been this way, I just chose to overlook it. However, as off today, I will no longer tolerate those people, places and things in which add little to no contribution to my life ( my life also includes my family).
Not sure if it’s my big bark, got it all together appearance, or my ability to accomplish what I pray for, but what I do know is that AS OFF TODAY, I will no longer fill my days honoring friendships that do not honor or value me.
I Choose Me
SISTAS! Why do we allow a guy to come between our greatness?
While out minding my own business yesterday, I overheard two ladies arguing over what seemed to be one guy. With tears in her eyes, the older sista seemed to be closely connected to him. As she pleaded with the younger sista to leave her family alone. The words that came next from the younger sistas mouth took me way back. She said, ” if he was that happy with you, he wouldn’t be with me.” She further said, “why don’t you just gjve him a divorce and be done with it.” Wow. I immediately felt a sense of pain for the younger sista as I knew it will not end well.
It reminded me of the many similar relationships that I had known of in the past. I, personally, have never been a recipient of waiting on a husband to leave his wife, but have been up close an personal with those who have been.
Sistas, it don’t work like that! If you are sharing saliva with another sista in hopes that he will leave her because you are sharing all of your tricks (bedroom goodies) with him, you are doing yourself a disservice. If he is married, it should automatically be hands off. I don’t care what he tells you. If things are that bad in the marriage, he would get a divorce. If he leaves you and goes home to his wife (children or not) thats where he wants to be. If he has moved in with you and is still someone else’s husband, you are selling yourself short.
Sistas, we are way more powerful when we work together. Why allow a man to degrade, disrespect and lie to you just to get him a little dessert on the side.
After the many episodes I have witnessed, here is what you can be left with if you choose someone elses husband.
* You become his permanent side chick* He leaves and moves in with you but remains married to another* He divorces and you live happily ever after until…* He divorces, you date and he marrys another* You find out there are 2 of you* You become the ex wife* …………
I can go on but will leave it right here for now.
Sistas you are WORTHY of having your own husband. You are worth so much more. How about lifting sistas up and telling their husbands to go home and look after them..
SignedI’ve seen it many times
When Life Hits You
Have you ever been awakened extremely early in the morning with 100 ideas running through your mind at once? Well, that was me today. Although really exhausted from helping my daughter to relocate from one address to another all week, and feeling disconnected from my regular daily responsibilities and chores, I knew that I had to get up and start writing.
There have been times in the past that I have had a major idea run through my mind but because I was too lazy to get up, I went back to sleep; only to discover that I had forgotten half of my ideas, once I was fully awake. Am I the only one who has experienced this?
I feel so accomplished. I have prepared my business newsletter, finished one article, and have started another, and have reviewed the materials for an upcoming training I am hosting.
Although my days usually start with prayer and meditation, I feel as though today was the start to something greater. This is the first time in a while that I have started my day with work that didn’t feel like work. It appeared to me that my greatest fear had happened. I always said that when I start my business, I never want to feel as though I was working. I never want to feel like I am pouring from an empty well. Then it hit me! I was pouring from an almost empty well. But no more.
Today, I have decided to re-commit myself to ME. Everything that I partake in will have a fresher outlook. It’s truly amazing how fast we can find ourselves in a slump due to our personal, social and business commitments. It is days like these that I pat myself on the back, not because I have it all together, but because I catch myself before I fall apart.
Have you ever been pushed outside of your comfort zone by a new client? Well, that was me today. During our second session, Sarah (not her real name) mentioned that she wanted to reveal something to me since our first session, but did’t know where to start. Me being very persuasive, I convinced her to release it and move on. What came next had me all the way messed up (LOL). She started off by saying how she enjoys working with me, but feels guilty of the things in which she has done with someone I love (OO-KAY). She went on to say that it was her who once shared my ex partner and that she has always felt guilty about being the cause of him leaving me. At that point, I laughed hysterically! After catching myself, and gaining a six pack, I asked her if she felt better getting it off her chest. I also, released her of the guilt by informing her that I was not in love with him, and that I had left the relationship because I was unhappy. I further assured her that until acquiring me as her coach, I knew absolutely nothing about her. It was at the moment, I was at a cross road. Do I keep her as a client, or release her to someone she hadn’t any guilty feelings towards?
Long story short, she remains a client. After a few more minutes of her expressing her guilt and I informing that I was more happy for her releasing the guilt than anything, our session began.
I have been thinking about it ever since. Can you imagine how many women are walking around feeling guilty, and / or with a head filled with lies from your ex? Or have become enemies based off of lies. The sad thing about it all is that Sarah found out the hard way, that she wasn’t his “Special” victim.
As women, we need to be accountable for our actions and or responses. If he is running down his wife, girlfriend, ex-wife or baby mama, what do you think he would do to you?
I was once lost
ps: Sarah has given me permission to share in hopes of enlightening someone else.
Mistakes We Make
The other day while sipping on a latte, collecting my thoughts and refocusing on my business plan, I was invited into a heated conversation with two sisters. The conversation started off by the older sibling asking me this question. Do you have children? How many mistakes do you allow them to make before enough is enough? After hearing their views on parenting, culture and religion, it got me to thinking about my parenting journey.
For years, I was that mom who worried about everything to do with my children. I worried about their safety, education, relationships, decisions, health, emotions, goals, actions, and whether their relationship with God will remain a priority in life. I wondered if everything that I had instilled in them as children would stick as adults.
Although the sisters agreed to disagree on their individual parenting styles, what remained the same for both is that they did not want their children to repeat their mistakes.
The older sister is a single, financially successful lawyer with 3 daughter’s (16, 18, 20 yrs) and the younger sister is married to a financially successful optometrist and a stay at home mom of twin boys (15 yrs). As I listened to them tell the other why they was the better parent, it got me thinking. I said, “being financially stable, praying with them daily, and adhering to ones culture does not warrant the best parent award. What warrants the best parent award is knowing that as parents, you have worked hard to instill the very best in your children. What they do with the knowledge as adults is totally up to them. As I spoke this, it also resignated with my spirit.
As parents, we can become consumed with trying to make our children perfect robots, that we do not allow them the space to make mistakes. While some mistakes are less forgiven then others, they are opportunities for our children to learn and grow. When I think about all of my mistakes, and life lessons, I can’t help but be thankful for the room I had to make them and all that I learned.
Towards the end of the conversation, the sisters shared that they was high school drop outs, one smuggled drugs to other countries by car, the other smuggled money. They admitted that they enjoyed the rush of it all but was happy when their parents relocated to a new country in their late teens to start over. Also, what peaked the conversation is that 2 out of the 5 cousins continue to have minor bouts with the law.
Unfortunately, we cannot control their every action, but we can control how we respond to it. Prayer works for me!
Mom of adults